Friday, January 29, 2010

If begging doesn't work, call people "cunt bag"

A user on Kijiji Halifax has four pages of ads, which follow a theme, but it'll take us some work to determine what the precise theme is.


Please i need a place to stay ilost everything in a fire and i feel like a complete idiot on here. If i had family in canada i could stay with them But i dont and im forced to uswe this site and look like a begger i have never been on welfair and dont tend to start. I am a Business man dress neat and have respecgt for myself and others. But i lost my appartment have proof of the fire. I spent time living in a hotel but have run out of money. EVERY DAY I PUT UP AN ADD HOPEING SOMONE OUT THERE WILL SEE THIS AND OFFER ME A TEMP HAND. But alas nothing i really am trying to figure out where i can stay. All i need is a room somewhere that i dont have to pay up front as i dont have any money left. But everyone i guess thinks this is a joke or a scam i assure you its not either.
Please somone with a bit of decency give me some credit and offer me a hand
i will do my best to repay you in full but i dont have anything now.
Im hopeing to get somewhere soon.
Please if you can help i would be forever in your debt

This clean-cut if illiterate Businessman is, nevertheless, looking for company:
Hi there Graet guy here looking for male or female activity part

Hi there
I really just like meeting people and having a good time. So if you wanna go workout together or go shopping of just go for coffie call me please
id love to do something with someone who also wants to enjoy life
I realy hope to hear from you soon
Sounds great, huh? Maybe even "great"! A cultured, if illiterate, man with respect for everybody. The only problem is, he's completely broke.

Yes, entirely broke, except for his substantial stash of investment capital:

Hi there
i need help as soon as possiable doing up a business plan. I dont have much money for it so im relying on somone who wants to shar. that dont mean im entirley broke i have money buy its for the Capital in the business. This i see as a great opertunity for you and i to meet.
Please contact me asap
Gosh, can all these things be possible at once? Or even "possiable"? Well, at least there's one thing that's consistent with all these ads. He can't spell, and he doesn't have a job.


Please can you help me with a room today i have no money yet but ave a job will have cash in a week please get back to me asap
Shit. Okay, he has a job. No money, aside from substantial investment capital, but he has a job. Can't spend the substantial investment capital on a room, but a homeless businessman who wants to take a lady out for coffee because he treats people with respect... you know, there's got to be something there to love, right? Maybe his honesty. I mean, he's honest. Honestly a businessman.

Hi there
Do you need a great super who knows cleaning painting general repairs and know the business
Has great people skills. This should be a live in position.
Please contact me now im available
Oh. Perhaps I misunderstood that "business man" with "investment capital" actually meant homeless cleaner looking for a place to live. I don't know that I'd let someone manage an apartment if he can't SPELL apartment, but you all know that I'm picky with that stuff. Still, he seems like a sweet guy, if a little unstable and ... um ... again, illiterate.
Surely someone would love to love him?
Wanted: Im looking
Hi there

I reallize this isint for everyone
But if your looking for somone im a great catch. Im starting a business in halifax and im thinking about finding somone to move in with. Ill help out with the bills and if you have a spare room it would be great. Who knows if you just have a cat as company maybe this is the way to go. I love cooking walks movies snuggling.
So give it a try why not whats life about, meeting people falling in love and living happily ever after. we can meet and see if we are compatiable
waiting for you
Ok, this is getting creepy.

Anyway, I sent this poor fellow a short note, including some words of compassion following the loss of his home in a devastating fire: "I wish you the best of luck after your recent misfortunes."

And here, friends, is the reply. The email address, which you'll love, is "Jack Me":
You are a whore and I can proove it
Haha go Fuck your mother she cares about what you have to say
Cunt bag hahahah

Sent from my iPhone
I'm sad that he didn't start it with "HI THERE".

For more, please browse the ads of one of his (at least two) logins:

4 Responses to “If begging doesn't work, call people "cunt bag"”

Anonymous said...
January 30, 2010 at 10:50 AM

Ha ha this is hilarious you actally taking up so much
of your time wording about someone you don't know
he says he is down and out have you put yourself in his
shoes I don't think you have haha in my sense of all Thai I think your
the looser get a life and worrie about your pathetic excuse
for living than someone elses

Caroline Lightowler said...
January 31, 2010 at 11:02 AM

Funny. I enjoy reading the Kijiji ads like this, too. The number of respectful, responsible business men out there with no fire insurance or grasp of the English language is amazing!

Unknown said...
February 1, 2010 at 4:45 PM

Right you are, Caroline. I hear Fredericton's Kijiji is the grand champion of "gimme" ads. I'll have to tour through there soon.

Anonymous said...
February 2, 2010 at 2:24 PM

Oh, so so so true.

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