YSAK 224: Stop cock-blocking me, Kijiji!

Wanted: PLEASE HELP-LADY OVERLAP- NEEDED 1 FURNISHED BEDROOM FOR 1 NIGHT

OK, here’s my situation :

1. I am in the fortunate position of having 2 lady guests coming to stay with me temporarily. Both are from out of town.
2. I want to nail both of them.
3. Fortunately their stays originally did not overlap.
4. Unfortuantely, due to an unexpected extended stay by lady-guest number 1, I now have a lady-guest overlap.
5. I don’t think this will go down to well with lady-guest 1 or 2.
I have a potential solution to this problem.
Here is what I am looking for:
1. A furnished room in an existing house/apartment that I can borrow and call my own for one night. Please contact me for an actual date.
2. I need to be able to pretend that this is MY room in MY house that I live in, and have lived in, for some time.
3. Preferably no family photos or anything potentially incriminating in the room that could cause me to get caught out by lady-guest number 2 (who I plan to have stay with me in “my” room).
4. A maximum of 3 room mates as I am not good at remembering names. It would also be appreciated if all room mates act like they know me (since I have been living with you), to make for a more believable experience for lady-guest number 2.
5. I would need to come and check out your house in advance so I can put names to faces, and learn how to get to the washroom in the dark in the middle of the night.
6. If I am borrowing your room, you may feel free to sleep on the couch and pretend to be a friend staying at the house. Other scenarios are also welcome.
I haven’t yet worked out all the finer details, but I hope to make this happen.
What I will offer:
1. I will bring my own sheets.
2. I will keep to myself in “my” room with lady-guest number 2.
3. I will buy drinks generously for all involved at a wrap up party following a successful stay – at a pub/bar of your choice.
4. I will pay in advance for the 1 night stay. Make an offer.

This is a real ad, and a plea to all males in Hamilton to help me out. As for all the ladies in Hamilton – I don’t want to have to wear ridiculously low pants and oversized hats just to get laid in this town!

I understand that this is a strange request. I would’ve payed for a hotel room, but lady-guest number 2 knows I have been living here for a while and the hotel room would raise suspicion. Please nowhere too flash as I just want to get laid and I don’t want her to think that I’m buying dinner as well!

Please help me make this dream a reality and let me pretend I live at your house so I can be with both my girls.

The drought is over!

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter