Freeloader Friday: I want it all, and a place to put it

Why beg on the street corner when you can ka-ching bigtime on Kijiji?

Our grifter du jour is a man I suspect we've had on here before. And if it's the same guy, he's engaged in some nasty back-and-forth with yours truly -- on his Apple Iphone.

Read through the posting and come up with your own biography of this character. I'm betting you can craft an interesting portrait of Mr. Professional But Jobless/Bartender/Manager/Great Tenant Looking For Work and a Home/And a watch/And a phone/Scooter/Bike.

A selection from his pages of wanted ads:

i need a 1 bedroom appartment to rent in halifax near rotary
great guy needs a 1 bedroom appartment to rent

loooking for a mens watch cheap or free please help
please contact

do you have a cheap rogers cell phone to give away or sell
hi there im looking for a rogers phone cheap or free can you help i would be very happy if you could i have some cash

im want to buy a phone from roger cheap must take sim card
do you have a phone thats from rogers that works need one urgently please help

looking to rent a room near rotary
great guy wants a place near the rotary works full time proff guy please contact

im looking to get a car that works well for pretty cheap
please help great person here needs a little help dont wont it for free but cheap CAN YOU HELP PLEASE

do you need a great well mannered smart manager with experiance
i have lots of restaurant and bar service experiance and ive worked in private well to do establishments. Make yourself happy and hire someone who knows how to be a team player and will get great results. Full time
Hope to hear from you

urgently needeed 1 computer dest or small table please
hi there i live near staples and im looking for a computer desk no one wants or a small table can only pay gas money to bring it to staples please contact me if you have something

looking for someone to do activities with tonight preferably fem
hi there guy new in town wants to meet fun people for outings this weekend please reply promptly

im a great salesman looking for a job
lots of talent and work ethic please make me an offer thanks you wont be dissapointed

i have mom tue off and i want to find a place to move to can you
suggest something or help me please

do you have a free or cheap watch for me please
i need one urgently

i need a rogers i phone asap please contact
looking to get a rogers i phone cheap please

i need an appartment near halifax shopping centre reliable help
need help please finding an appartment near the rotary im a great tenant please help me help you thanks

im looking for external computer speakers please
if you have please contact

need a mans watch please help
do you have a mens watch to sell cheap please send picture and price cheap thanks

looking for a freind to go out with tonight halifax
hi there guy new in town wanting someone to show me around must be female thanks

new in town looking for a lady to show me around
great guy need to be shown around can you help

looking for various electronics and computer speakers please
hi there can you help got anything for sale

do you have a rogers cell phone for sale please
need one urgent that works can you help

looking for an i phone today
selling an i need one contact me

need a scooter can you help
urgent

need a bike mens cheap
urgent can you help please

Note to the guy if he's reading: There's nothing saying you can't ask for all this stuff, but you're only allowed one post per item. You aren't allowed seven posts looking for a phone -- just one. Same goes for the apartment/"friend"/job/watch searches. One ad per thing. Get on it.

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter