Saturday, October 30, 2010

Strange searches that brought people to

The great thing about analyzing search results is -- it's funny.

Let's see if we can answer some of the questions implied by the Kijiji keywords that brought people here in recent months.

The top five searches are "kijiji", "you suck at kijiji", "", "kijii" and "kijiji sucks".

"Kijiji personals" is still a hot topic, at number six. Even though the category was removed from Kijiji months ago, people still want to know what happened to Kijiji personals. It's simple. Kijiji Personals are gone. They don't exist. Well, not officially anyway.

"Kijiji duplicate ads" brings a lot of people here. Folks don't yet understand that duplicate ads on Kijiji are not allowed. If Kijiji says your ad is too similar to another ad already on the system, that should be a clue that you need to read the rules. Say you're a cake maker -- you're not supposed to run cake-making ads in Weddings, Entertainment, Services, Home and Garden, Resumes and Jobs. Same goes for photographers, decorators, DJs, roofers, movers, real estate agents and so on. Duplicate ads will be deleted.

You also can't post in multiple cities. We have a lot of ads asking how to post kijiji ads in multiple cities or all over Canada. You can't. Well, you can, but you'll probably end up banned entirely. If you really really want to, you'll have to turn to shady spammers who'll be happy to take your money in order to use technology to break the rules you agreed to. If you're determined to piss off your potential customers, there are ways.

Wow, this isn't funny yet, is it? Let's get to the ha-ha.

"used underwear" - we had a post about this recently! Keep reading to find it.

"suck horse" and "horse suck" - on Kijiji? Hmm. You did read what I said about personals, right?

"kijiji delorean" - the 25th anniversary of Back To The Future probably had something to do with this.

"moped yellow becane kijiji" - do they mean the past tense of 'to mope' or some kind of vehicle?

"alien fattening us" - no, sir, we're fattening ourselves. And I'm doing a great job of it. Maybe they'll do me a favour and take me first.

"burmese roundhouse sphyncter kick" - I only got up to green belt in Tae Kwon Do, but I honestly don't remember this one.

"calling your mother a cunt" - will get your Xbox sold on Kijiji.

"can kijiji sue you for spamming their site" - I'm not a lawyer, but I sure hope so.

"cunt from halifax" - I think I met her.

"different scams on kijiji about car scams" - from the department of redundancy department, I'll tell you that most of the scams are the same, and involve wire transfers and third-party escrow.

"escort laval good price want now" - You can have it quick, you can have it good, you can have it cheap. You can have two of the three, but not all three.

"every single add i put on kijiji gets rejected" - What, you get the "thank you for posting" with the red X? You broke rules or let someone else into your account, dummy.

"I like to suck on wood" - if it's firewood, be careful who you're dealing with. There are reportedly a lot of firewood scams on Kijiji.

"i was offered drugs on kijiji" - good for you! Keep it up!

"kajiji canada sex furniture" - I know the furniture of which you speak, and Kijiji would be a good place to buy it, if only for the price. That stuff's outrageously expensive for what you get.

"kijiji no more personals what now" and "kijiji personals gone where now for guys" and "kijiji personals where now" - answer to all three is "anywhere that serves beer, just before closing time"

"kijiji pine tongue" - see above, re: suck on wood

"my son is a cunt, please help me" - see above, re: calling your mother a cunt

I think that's enough for now. However you get here, I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back.

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