YSAK 403: Trivia master for hire (BACK OF THE LINE, HOMOS!!!!!)

Wanted: **TRIVIA EXPERT**

ARE YOU TIRED OF LOSING AT BAR TRIVIA? DO YOU NOT LIKE IT WHEN A BUNCH OF GEEKS GET FREE BEER WHILE YOU SIT THERE LIKE A WEIRD DUM IDIOT?

Call Jeff Morton, PROFESSIONAL TRIVIA EXPERT.

Let me tell you about myself. I am 27 years old, and I have been doing trivia since I was born. When my dad saw me for the first time he thought I had a big head, and (no joke) the Doctor said it was probably because I was too smart for my head.

HE WAS RIGHT.

Since then, I done nothing but dominate trivia. Sports trivia, Simpsons Trivia, hockey trivia, football trivia, I can do it all. (NO POEMS TRIVIA NIGHTS PLEASE)

Here’s how it will go down:
1) You email me and tell me the time and place
2) I show up and get every question right (probably)
3) You buy me drinks until I’ve had enough of drinking (THIS MAY COST A LOT, FAIR WARNING)
4) We win and you probably have your pick of babes at the bar. (Or dudes if you are a girl or a homo)
5) I am okay with if you’re a homo, but don’t try to kiss me or my body, PLEASE.
6) You never see me again unless you want to win again.
Number 6 is important YOU WILL WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME. THAT IS NORMAL. REMEMBER I AM A PROFESSIONAL, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE.

Part of being a professional is you think I’m having a good time, and maybe I even am, but it DOESN’T MEAN WE’RE FRIENDS. If I want to be friends after the night I WILL LET YOU KNOW, OK?

Lucky you, I’m just getting this business going so I am only charging 250 dollars plus beers. As a bonus, the first 40 people to get back to me about this will get some stickers I found. DON’T ASK WHAT THE STICKERS ARE, I WON’T KNOW UNTIL I CHOOSE THEM.

If this sounds like something you want to do, message me RIGHT NOW. If you are a hot chick with hot friends MENTION IT IN THE SUBJECT LINE so I know to bump you to the front (SORRY HOMOS, I AM NOT GAY, BUT ITS COOL THAT YOU ARE, OK?).

Also, don’t tell the government about this.

Sincerely, Jeff Morton TRIVIA EXPERT

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter