Wednesday, September 21, 2011

YSAK 435: Floral Couch Set Of Destiny

Ugly floral furniture sex
Foxy AND Elegant FLORAL COUCH COMBO! (1, 2, and 3 Seater!!!!!!)
Price $75.00

The year is 2007, the month is June. According to Wikipedia, NASA's MESSENGER spacecraft has made it's second fly-by of Venus on it's way to Mercury, there was a heatwave in Greece that killed 11, and a 2,100-year-old melon is discovered by archaeologists in western Japan.

MAN THAT WAS ONE SLOW MONTH.

Me, flipping a table over in rage over what a boring waste of time reading the wikipedia article on June '07 was:

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Also, they forgot one important detail in history.

MY PARENTS BOUGHT A 3 PIECE FLORAL COUCH SET!!!!! Consisting of a one seater, a two seater, and a three seater. HOLY CRAP, 6 SEATS???

I know what you're asking yourself, "Do I even KNOW THAT MANY PEOPLE!?!?"

Answer: PROBABLY NOT, BUT BY PURCHASING THIS SET, YOU WILL BE PREPARED IN CASE ONE DAY YOU MAYBE DO!

Seriously, just LOOK at them. REVEL IN THEIR GLORY.

REVEL.

I mean, LOOK at that last picture, it's like a BLOODY NORMAL ROCKWELL PAINTING! It's so damn WHOLESOME and NOSTALGIC! Like the GOOD OLD DAYS! Peppridge farm remembers!!!

"SO WHY IS THIS FOR SALE, YO'?" You mutter to yourself, incoherently.

BECAUSE MY PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED! That's right, they bought this set for roughly a grand, and you get it for only SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS!!!

YOU ARE PROFITING OUT OF THEIR MISERY, AND IT'S ALRIGHT!

Remember that episode of Futurama, where planet earth invades the spider planet and they all get rich off the silk so they have a tax rebate, and the entire episode is them spending their money in wacky, zany, cartoonish ways?? THAT EPISODE WOULD HAVE ENDED DAMN SHORT IF THIS FLORAL COUCH COMBO WAS FOR SALE, I TELL YOU WHAT!!! (But it wasn't, because that show takes place in the future, duh.) THE EPISODE WOULD HAVE ENDED WITH A PLANET EXPRESS FULL OF FLORAL COUCH COMBOS.

Now I bet you're wondering "Who do I call, about this magnificent FLORAL COUCH COMBO?"

-------> 403 xxx 4047 <--------- Text or call, if I don't answer, I'm probably busy entertaining supermodels on my floral couch combo, or some crap.

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