Friday, September 16, 2011

YSAK 433: Fuck you, that's why!

I'm going to skip the screenshot and car photos on this one, because, really, who cares about what the car looks like? It's the ad that matters. I'm not sure whether I like this one or not. You?

BUY MY CAR! (Infiniti G37) Best decision you'll ever make!
Price $34,000.00
Make Infiniti
Model G37
Year 2008
Kilometers 55000
Body Type Coupe (2 door)
Colour White
Drivetrain Rear-wheel drive (RWD)
Type Used


Lets get straight to the point. I'm selling my car, and you need a car. Simple enough.

So lets hash out some details - Your first question is going to be "If this car is so awesome, why the hell is he selling it?!" Well, my first answer would be "F%CK YOU! THATS WHY!" but that wouldn't be polite now would it. Here's the truth... I went all Beyonce this past summer and decided to put a ring on it. That was BEFORE I realized how expensive sh*t could be! my girl likes fancy stuff, weddings included. (Make sure you're ready when you propose though. why? Because rings lead to your 100th problem [See: Jay-Z reference]

So that's the main reason. The second reason, she's selling her vehicle as well (I think?) and we're combining to get a big SUV. Do I know why? Hell no! I can't pay attention to her when its sexy time and she's talking... for all I know she could be planning kids and thats why we're getting an SUV. (I should really pay attention more often). So now for a little Q&A - Or as I like to call it, "All those damn questions you're gonna ask me when you come check it out, so lets just avoid that sh*t and I'll answer them for you now!"

Q: Is this car in excellent shape?
A: Hell yes, it was driven like a grandma and treated like the Stanley Cup (minus this past week, aka the bastards who dropped it! so you could say my car gets treated better than NHL's most prized possession)

Q: Was it a smokers car?
A: No, smoke doesn't come near this vehicle nor did I ever let a smoker in my car. You know why? Cause Smoking causes Cancer. And Cancer kills.... Stay in school kids.


Q: What kind of condition is this car in?
A: Excellent. You know why? Because I treat my sh*t with RESPECT! And I'm not lying about that - I hate when people say they have the best thing around and its in amazing condition, only you show up and she's 200 lbs heavier than you expected and isn't even the right colour! (That might sound racist to you people, but its not, I'm talking Horses. Jesus, don't racist. We live in Alberta, there's more horses than people) This car is AMAZING. I wouldn't lie to you.


Q: Can I get it inspected?
A: YES! I encourage it! and you know why? because after you take it to the mechanic, he's gonna say this car is worth 10grand more than what I'm selling it for and he's gonna offer to buy it himself!


Q: Is this anything I should be aware of after I buy this car?
A: Yes. Because I like you so much, I'm gonna give you an extra set of tires AND rims! That's how nice of a guy I am! Because once you buy this car, you're going to realize that you've never driven anything like it, and will get angry at yourself for driving your last piece of sh*t for so long. It'll make you wanna roundhouse kick your car (There was an awesome graphic of Mac from Sunny in Philly round-house kicking a car, but Kijiji dbags won't allow it).

That's enough Q&A. You know you want this vehicle, seriously, who wouldn't!? Hit that EMAIL BUTTON NOW! and COME BUY MY CAR! And if you're cool enough, afterwards, we can be friends.

Love,
Michael


UPDATE - Thanks to all your glorious efforts, I have now sold my car! You, you beautiful people you, have helped a non-broke man sell something he truly never needed (I'm impulsive...so what, you should be too!). As this ad is now being circulated around vigorously, I will leave the ad up for your comedic viewing.

Oh, and ps... Mike, I told you I could create a better listing for your car than you! -Your friend, Wade B. ;)


Shoutout - Hi Merissa :)

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