Thursday, November 24, 2011
YSAK 457: High pressure snowblower pitch
Do you like this story?
Here's the hot ad of the moment ... especially considering the maritimes got a dump of snow yesterday:
11HP/29" Snowblower
Price $900.00
Address Moncton, NB, Canada
Do you like shoveling snow? Then stop reading this and go back to your pushups and granola because you are not someone that I want to talk to.
Let’s face it, we live in a place that attracts snow like Magnetic Hill attracts cars, only that ain’t an illusion out there. That’s 12 inches of snow piling up and, oh, what’s that sound? Why it’s the snow plow and it’s here to let you know that it hates you and all the time you spent to shovel your driveway. Did you want to get out of your house today? Were you expecting to get to work on time? Or even this week?
You gave it your best shot. You tried to shovel by yourself and I respect you for that. I did it, my parents did it, some of my best friends did it. But deep down inside, we all wanted to murder that neighbor with the snowblower who was finished and on his second beer while you were still trying to throw snow over a snowbank taller than you are.
So, here we are. You could murder your neighbour, which could ensure that you won’t need to shovel a driveway for 25 to life, but there are downsides to that too. What to do?
Here’s the deal. I have a snow blower and I want you to own it. I can tell you’re serious about this. It’s like I can almost see you: sitting there, your legs are probably crossed and your left hand is on your chin. Am I right? How’d I do that? The same way that I know that YOU ARE GOING TO BUY THIS SNOWBLOWER.
I want you to experience the rush that comes with smashing through a snowdrift and blowing that mother trucker out of the way. The elation of seeing the snow plow come back down your street and watching the look of despair as your OTHER neighbour gets his shovel out once more while you kick back with a hot cup of joe (you don’t have a drinking problem like that other guy).
Here’s what you do. You go to the bank. You collect $900. You get your buddy with a truck and you drive over here. You give me some cold hard cash and I give you a machine that will mess up a snowbank sumthin’ fierce. I’ve even got the manual for it, on account of I bought it brand new and I don’t throw that kind of thing away. Don't want to pay me $900? Convince me. Send me an offer and I'll either laugh at you and you'll never hear back from me or I'll counter.
You want a snow blower. You need a snow blower.
This isn’t some entry level snow blower that is just gonna move the snow two feet away. This is an 11 HP Briggs and Stratton machine of snow doom that will cut a 29 inch path of pure ecstasy. And it’s only 4 years old. I dare you to find a harder working 4 year old. My niece is five and she gets tired and cranky after just a few minutes of shoveling. This guy just goes and goes and goes.
You know what else? I greased it every year to help keep the water off it and the body in as good as shape as possible. It's greasier than me when I was 13, and that's saying something.
You know how many speeds it has? Six forward and two in reverse. It goes from “leisurely” slow up to “light speed”. Seriously, I’ve never gone further than five because it terrifies me. I kid you not, you could probably commute to work with it dragging you.
You know what else is crappy about clearing snow in the morning? That you have to do it in the dark. Well, not anymore! It has a halogen headlight that will light your way like some kind of moveable lighthouse (only better, because lighthouses won’t clear your driveway).
Oh, and since it’s the 21st century, this snow blower comes with an electric starter. Just plug that sucker in, push the button, and get ready to punch snow in the throat. If you want to experience what life was like in olden days, it comes with a back-up cord you could pull to start it, but forget that. The reason you’re getting this fearsome warrior was for the convenience, so why make it harder on yourself?
By this point, you’re probably wondering why I would sell my snowblower since the first snowpocalypse is upon us today. I’ll tell you why: because I heard it was time for you to man up and harness some mighty teeth and claws and chew your way to freedom, that’s why.
This is my snow blower. Make it your snow blower.
This post was written by: Gord McCord
Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter
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52 Responses to “YSAK 457: High pressure snowblower pitch”
November 26, 2011 at 3:14 AM
he is buying new Snow-blower, come on, it is 4 yrs old!
November 26, 2011 at 11:44 PM
November 28, 2011 at 2:52 AM
Cho has earned the right to a brand new, second-decade-of-the-century blower, one with Wi-Fi and 7-inch screen.
What if he's got Steve Jobs e-blower only one year old and never used?
Whatever the reason, that is his own bloody business. you did not pony up with the required 900 words or dollars.
Besides, he is four years older and may have dragged by his family to a retirement home. No one keeps a snow blower, nor a hair one, in the residence.
November 28, 2011 at 12:42 PM
This is quite simply the best long-copy ad I've read in a long time. I live in Malaysia right now and I caught myself wondering if I could use a snow blower.
November 30, 2011 at 4:43 PM
This is my snow blower. Make it your snow blower. Love it!
November 30, 2011 at 11:14 PM
This is just priceless and he's so hilarious!! Love it.
December 3, 2011 at 8:42 PM
Question for Axel in Montreal. I hope I'm not the only person out there who does not understand something you said in your comment above. So please do me (and maybe us) a favor and explain in different words what the following means because I don't get it: "No one keeps a snow blower, nor a hair one, in the residence.:
December 4, 2011 at 10:41 AM
You are totally off base. It was my right hand on my chin.
January 29, 2012 at 12:41 PM
Living down here in Sunny California, I could use this as a sand blower. Maybe. But I have to admit, Citizen Cho worked really hard for his $900.
Laura in IL, insert the word blower after hair. All will be clear.
April 26, 2012 at 10:53 PM
Best ad ever!
January 29, 2013 at 1:42 PM
PUNCH SNOW IN THE THROAT !!!!!
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My name is Vonda Dionne i am from Los Angeles i just got my loan from a new legit loan company of 2019 and the name of the company that helped me with my loan today is Abigail Mills loan company they are the most lovely loan company i have ever came across with i applied for a loan from them yesterday and the only thing i did was pay the transfer fee which they said i should pay and immediately i make the payment in the next 12 hours time i was with my loan sorry i can not say how much they helped me with but it is a large amount of money so everyone if you need a real loan this is the right loan company to contact their mail address is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com
September 15, 2019 at 1:18 PM
Good day everyone my name is Donna Susan Patricia and i am from Houston Texas, USA i want to use this chance i have now to write this message to the internet if anyone of you is looking for a loan real this is the right company to contact i am a business woman and i applied for a loan in a 2018 legit company and the name of the company is Abigail Mills loan company they have been helping people since 2018 and we are in 2019 now and i just received my loan from them so if anyone of you need a loan go and apply from them because they are real i just pray you people that need help with a loan don't get scammed that is why i am using this chance to write this message on the internet if you need a loan legit loan apply from this company so that you wont get scammed when you apply from the wrong company. their E-mail address is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com.
Have a nice day everyone and i pray you are all happy as i am today
September 15, 2019 at 1:19 PM
My name is Freida Erna Madeleine i am from Chicago USA i want to use this time to write to the internet that i just received my loan funds of 5 million dollars from this company called Abigail Mills loan company at first i did not believe what people were saying on the internet but i decided to try and i applied for the loan 2 days ago and i just received a call from my bank that there is the sum of 5 million dollars in my account and immediately i received an alert from my bank Abigail Mills loan company called me and asked me if i have received my loan and i told them yes so they said i should bring more people to there company if anyone do need a loan so if you really do need a loan this is the company to apply from they are really great and i believe now that there is a real loan company that gives loans and that company is Abigail Mills loan company so if anyone of you need an urgent loan and it is important this is the right company to apply from. Their mail address is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com.
Finally i am really happy and can start my own business now. Thank you once again Abigail you are great and God bless you and your company.
September 15, 2019 at 1:24 PM
Good day My name is Ebba Agnes Lilly i am from New York City this company Abigail Mills people are talking about is real i never wanted a loan but i just said i should try this company and see if what people are saying is true and i applied for a loan from them yesterday and i just received my loan today from Abigail Mills loan company anyone if you read this message and you need a loan apply from this company cause they are going to help you this company is the only company that offers real loan online. The loan i applied from them was $75,000.00 dollars and in 8 hours time i received my loan so my friends don't be scammed if you need a real loan this is the right company to apply from. If you are interested of there loans their mail address is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com and their whatsapp number is +1 (903) 378-6704.
September 15, 2019 at 1:24 PM
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I am Wilma Linnea Matilda and i am from Philadelphia USA. I was looking for an online loan and i was very scared i have never applied for a loan before and i searched very well and search for a real company there i found a company called Abigail Mills loan company i look and i saw what people said about this company was true i decided to apply for a loan from the company and i needed a loan of $150,000.00 dollars to start a business when i applied she told me all i needed to do i did it and she assured me that in 8 hours time i was going to be with my loan i said okay and i waited in exactly 8 hours time i receive my loan from this company as i am writing this now i have never been scammed before and this company is great i have been hearing people talking about scams but i have never been scammed before and i thank God for that. So everyone if you need a real loan this is the right company to apply from they will help you and the time they tell you that you will receive your loan that is the exact time you will receive your loan. I just have to write this message to everyone so that you wont apply for a loan from the wrong company if you need a real loan contact this company and you will be happy. Their mail address is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com.
September 15, 2019 at 1:25 PM
My name is Robert Christopher. I am from USA New York City. I want to write to the internet that if you need a real loan Abigail Mills is the real loan company that gives loan i applied for a loan from this company last week Friday and i just received my loan from them today so everyone if you need a real loan without been scammed this is the right company to apply from thus company is truly great and they are real so many people that have been scammed if you need a loan without being scammed this is the real company that gives loans i applied for a loan from this company Abigail Mills and i received my loan today so anyone around the world if you need a true loan locate this company and be rest assured that this company is going to put a smile to your face. the company can be contacted via mail their mail address is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com and there whatsapp number is +1 (903)378-6704. Thanks to anyone that will read this message this company does not know am doing this am only doing it for people in need of a real loan to be safe.
September 15, 2019 at 1:25 PM
My name is Leo Daniel Archer and i am from Australia i live in a city of Sydney. Have been looking for a loan online since can not get a loan from my bank and have only found people scamming me of my money. Last week i was scammed by a loan company and God know i was ready to end my life but i said to my self let me try and see if i will see a honest company that was ready to help you. So i settled down and search for a company and i read so many good comments about this company Abigail Mills and i said let me apply and see if i will be lucky as other people i was afraid but i gave my self a chance and i applied for a loan of $80,000.00 i explained to this company that i have been scammed and they told me not to worry that they will help you that they have helped so many people from my country before. So i gave this company a chance and they assured me that in 8 hours time i was going to be with my loan i did not believe but i waited for my loan. In exactly 8 hours time i received an alert from my back that my account has be credited with $80,000.00. All thanks to Abigail Mills this company is God cent. And i made a promise to my self that i will testify this company on how they helped me this company do not know am doing this now that am telling people on the internet how they helped me so everyone if you need a real loan Abigail Mills is here to help you do not be fooled by fake people who clam to be lender. I almost forgot you can only contact this company via mail and there contact details is abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com. whatsapp is +1 (903)378-6704. This company is real and true so anyone that reads this message and you are interested contact this company cause they are the only ones that can help solve your problems.
September 15, 2019 at 1:27 PM
Regards everyone my name is Kojonka Moe and i am from Switzerland and i live in the city of Zürich with my family. I have heard about people testify about this company called Abigail Mills and this is my first time applying for a loan online i was afraid to apply for an online loan because of the scam i see on the internet but after i read so many testimonies about this company i decided to give it a try and apply for a loan from this company called Abigail Mills loan company i was in need of money and i needed a loan of 720,000.00 Swiss franc. So i applied and i was told of what to do i was afraid but i gave the company a chance to help me and they assured me that in less than 8 hours time i will receive my loan in my account. I never believed but i was waiting in less than 8 hours time i received a call from my bank that an amount of 720,000.00 Swiss franc was in my account and immediately my bank called me i contacted the company and let them know that i have received my loan and today i am happy. So if you came across my message and you read it and you need a legit loan apply from this company and be rest assured that you will be happy with this company i believe this company is God sent and i pray they last and keep on helping people. Contact this company via mail address abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com
September 15, 2019 at 1:27 PM
All thanks to Abigail Mills for helping me with my loan after been scammed 6 times by fake people who clams to be loan lenders.
My name is Rethabile Grace Thandolwethu i am from South Africa and i live in the city of Johannesburg. A month ago i was searching for an online loan and i saw different loan lender on the internet and with some fake testimonies and i applied from them and all i got was scammers i applied more than 6 companies and i was cheated all the way. So i gave up hope until i decided to check again if i will find help as i was searching and i settled down to look for a legit loan company i found this company named Abigail Mills loan company i saw a lot of testimonies that people comment about her but because i was cheated severally i thought it was a scam but i did what i was asked to do and i waited for my loan and Mrs Abigail Mills told me in less than 8 hours time you be with my loan safely i did not believe cause i thought it was also a scam so that day it was night time in South Africa and i slept off the nest morning as i woke up i received an alert from my bank that there is money on my account and immediately i called my bank to confirm and the bank manger told me to come to the bank immediately and i went immediately the bank got opened as the bank manager checked my account we saw an amount of $135,000.00 USD that is United States Dollars and i explained to my manager that i applied for a loan online and my bank manager was shocked if there was still a real and legit loan company online i am so happy all thanks to Abigail Mills i decided to write on the internet because i saw other people do it and testify about this company that is why i am posting this message online to anyone that need a loan even if you have been cheated before apply from this company and be rest assured that this company won't let you down. My Regards to anyone that reads my message and you can contact this company via mail abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com they also use Whatsapp which the number is +1 (903)378-6704. Once again my regards to anyone that reads my message and i pray you are happy as i am today with this company because i am bring more people to this company to help.
September 15, 2019 at 1:28 PM
Greetings everyone or anyone my name is Landrew Paul i am from Miami Florida i have heard about this company called Abigail Mills that they are helping people with loans all around the world i was once searched for a loan online and i was cheated by 2 companies which was fake and after that time i never believed in good loan company could come from the internet i thought all of them was a fraud until i found this company named Abigail Mills loan company i found people testified about this company and i was surprised why i did not find this company on time . I never believed what the people said about the company until i apply and gave it a try the amount i was looking for was big and it was for a real estate the loan amount was $10.5 million US dollars and so i applied and the lady Abigail Mills talked to me but since my loan was large it took just 15 hours to receive my loan cause they told me there loan service was 8 hours to receive loan. The only thing she told me to do was to deposit the bank transfer fee which the bank was going to use to transfer my loan into my bank account when she told me that once i was afraid it was a scam but i said let me give it a try i deposited the transfer fee which was stated and that was all i deposited behold in less than 15 hours time i received a message from my bank that sum amount of money which was $10.5 million US dollars has been credited in my bank account and everything about the money the details and who it came from was there behold it was Abigail Mills who helped me when i first saw it i was surprised i never believed my eyes but it was true. So i told my self since other people that the company helped testified about there good deeds let me do mine cause to not easy to see a legit loan company online this days so anyone from anywhere who needs an online loan without getting cheated apply from this company cause they only that can help i have confirmed it and it is true i am so happy and i know this company will make other people more happier then me. You can contact this company via mail or Whatsapp but i used Whatsapp cause it was faster mail address of the company is abigailills.loans227@gmail.com and Whatsapp is +1 (903)378-6704. Thanks everyone regards from Landrew Paul from Miami Florida.
September 15, 2019 at 1:29 PM
Hi everyone. My name is Jeannette Ramona Tallulah i am from Massachusetts i saw people testified about this company called Abigail Mills loan company and it is a good thing i was also a victim of scam 3 times until i found this company called Abigail Mills loan company God bear me witness this company is real and legit i am a single mother of 3 kids and i work in 2 places to earn more money for me and my kids this company helped me after in explained to them the company told me not to worry that i was going to receive my loan safely i was afraid cause i was cheated before i thought the same thing was also going to happen to me but i said to my self God knows best. The company told me it was 8 hours to receive loan and i thought about it 8 hours to quick i said okay the loan amount i was looking for was $350.000.00 US dollars and after i did all the company asked me to do and i sent my required information i received my loan in 8 hours time as stated. When i received my loan i said to my self God is the one who made me found this company and i have already introduced this company to 1 of my friend who also needs help so anyone here or anywhere you see this post if you need a real loan this is the only company that can help without any doubt of fail i am happy everyday because of this company and God i pray God make Mrs Abigail Mills last in this world so she can continue to help people in need. I contacted this company via mail which as abigailmills.loans227@gmail.com. Thanks to anyone who reads my message and post.
October 15, 2019 at 1:48 PM
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