YSAK 498: Web designer solves problem of mismatched socks

The extra-hype style exemplified by the work of Weh Ming "Snowblower" Cho is catching on like crazy. The latest on the long-copy bandwagon is this Toronto web designer who sprinkles all sorts of oddball wisecracks in his web-design pitch.

What it says to me is "Hire me and your web site will have lots and lots of words on it." As someone who came of age in the HTML 1.0 age when the BLINK tag was brand-new and tables were not yet standard, I approve of this message.

Premium Webdesign - Websites at Any Budget

Do you like abandoning your business like a puppy in the cold, while you learn a new programming language? Want to use fancy brackets and code your own website to Internet-stardom? Well then stop reading this, and go nuts with those keys on your keyboard you never knew existed!

Learning a new thing takes time - there’s always a learning curve. And, when you spend half your morning scraping ice off your car that’s harder than concrete, and most your day running your business, you probably prefer to spend your free time relaxing on the couch. By the way, I’m describing an imaginary world, where you actually have this free time, one where you only spend half your morning battling Canadian winter, not a full day.

Still you’re undeterred, and I understand you. I feel for you. You’re ambitious! You want your business to succeed. You want it to catch that big break. So, you’re doing everything in your power to get it out there. That’s the real reason that you want to have a good looking website - to get more business!

And you know what? You can do it on your own! You just need 2 things: about 200-250 dollars to experiment with (it’ll cover hosting, domain and template costs), and you a lot of free time.

In addition to sacrificing your sleep, I suggest you cut down on as many little things as you can. Be clever about it. For example, you don’t need 2 minutes to brush your teeth, forget what the dentists told you. Just move your hand faster! Stop searching for a pair of socks every morning, just buy identical socks. Lots of things like that will free up a couple hours per week for you, and that’s a great start!

If however you’re one of those people that recognizes a bad idea on the onset, you know, before you run into your 5th obstacle, then you probably would like someone reliable to take care of your website needs.

About now you must be anticipating that I will offer to come to your rescue, and I won’t disappoint. Just like Batman can rely on Alfred, you’ve got me to back you up in today’s digital world. I won’t help you fight local crime, but I will help you best your local competition with a smart online presence.

Want a redesign for your old website? I can do that!
Need a brand new site with hosting and domain and email? I’ve got your back!
Not sure what your visitors expect to see on your site? I’ll teach you!

And what do you need to do, to get a site your competitors would salivate over, like little babies over car keys? You need to hire me!

You can pay me for just the website, or I can do everything for you - from domain name registration, to hosting, to helping you with the CMS. And how much will having a great site and extra free time cost you? Please check out my site (http://pullmedia.ca) and find out. You have options of paying once for just the site, or monthly (Pay-as-you-go) for site, hosting, maintenance, etc. Have a look and decide for yourself what option you like and what fits your budget best.

Then call or email me with your site needs, and if your site is not an online Via agra shop, or a Somalian bank inheritance thing or something similar, then I will happily make it for you. Within 2 days you can have a rough-draft of your site, online, ready for your feedback. And, another 2-3 days after your feedback, your site will be ready for you to show it off to your clients and friends!

I’m on my computer now, and I could be working for you!

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter