YSAK 516: I will be spooky for you

Fog Emerger

Hi there,

Do you need a man to cinematically emerge from a fog cloud at your next event? If so, you've come to the right place. Speaking frankly, I am the single greatest Fog Emerger to ever work in the business. I am also the first, and the one who invented the job. Be it a birthday party, New Years Eve bash, high school football game, concert, business event, or even a practical joke on a friend, I will meet all of your fog emerging needs. In fact, I personally guarantee that I will surpass all expectations in the art of fog emerging.

This is how my service will be delivered:

- The fog will come from a fog machine that you must provide. I will provide the black cloak I wear as I emerge.

- You send me the exact co-ordinates of where the fog machine will be placed (Point of Fog or P.O.F.), the date of the event, and the precise time you require me to emerge from the fog, down to the second.

- I am not to be seen or met or in any way be contacted by anybody prior to, during, or after the event - except through a single e-mail providing specific details.

- Place your payment of $100 (no more, no less, cash only) in manilla envelope exactly 10 metres behind the P.O.F. I will collect the payment immediately before emerging from the fog.

- Upon emerging, I will drift through the fog, silently surveying the audience for up to, but not to exceed, 120 seconds. This will provide the maximum desired effect.

- I will disappear through the fog and leave the event before the fog clears.

These specifications are non-negotiable, and any attempt to deviate from the terms I have outlined will result in swift and immediate cancellation of my contract and refusal to emerge from the fog at any of your future events.

Regards,

The Fog Man

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter