Elliptical ad elevates honesty in advertising (536)

For Sale: Vision Fitness X1400 Elliptical Trainer
Price $700.00
Address Regina, SK S4X 1B6, Canada

I have a confession to make: I love the idea of exercise and of being super-fit, but the reality is that I love pizza and Coca-Cola a lot more. We bought this elliptical trainer at Fitness Warehouse as part of our New Year’s resolution in 2008, but we barely used it. I know everybody says the stuff they’re selling has barely been used, but look at my waist when you come to see the machine and you’ll know I’m telling the truth – this elliptical has barely been used.

We paid $1400 for this bad boy. It does everything except walk for you; it even has a cup holder for your Big Gulp, or I suppose Gatorade if you’re being healthy. I think this machine is in such good shape that we should be asking $2000 for it – I mean it’s a glimpse into our past, you know? But my wife says we should ask $700, so I’ll go with that.

So here’s your chance to get a gym quality elliptical machine that looks and feels brand new for pennies on the dollar. It’s programmable, measures your pulse, has built-in timers, and a fancy console with lots of readouts and other cool stuff.

I work at home and I can see it from my office. It makes me feel guilty every time I see it, so I’d like you to buy it. Even though I’m still fat I’m confident that this machine will transform your body into that of a Greek god/goddess in no time flat. Before long people will be posting your picture to Pinterest with captions like “some day” and “wow, look at that flat stomach!” Someday I’ll be sitting at home on my couch, eating pizza, and see you on some televised fitness competition. You’ll probably win (because this machine is so awesome), and when the announcer asks you how you got started in the fitness world you can say “some fat guy sold me this elliptical machine” and the announcer will be so amazed that you’ll end up with your own TV show like Jillian Michaels.

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter