Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Aging brown microwave seeks French hipster (545)

In the spirit of the 'manly (ugly) couch' ad from some months back, OpenFile Montreal alerts the web to this geriatric brown microwave in search of a worthy new owner. In the interest of full disclosure, until just a few years ago, I was using a similar, but older, microwave. It was an enormous brown Sylvania with a rotary dial. Yes, flat buttons were still a few years off. It had a giant knob for time, a smaller knob for intensity (which simply cycled the beam off and on), and a huge rectangular "cook" button. It was a beast of similar vintage to the VHS VCR that was top-loading and had a four-button wired remote control.

Here's the ad in French, then the English translation.

English by OpenFile (original French follows):
Brown microwave seeks hipster: microwave from the 80s, it is vintage, brown, doesn’t turn and it heats incredibly slowly. In short, it is perfect for a hipster student who decides to eat a frozen Michelina dinner... the microwave is so old it takes five minutes instead of two. During the interminable wait, you can download music from a pirate site (yet you are the first to advocate that the artists should get more on copyright).

It heats your frozen food without stressing over it getting too hot, the microwave is not intimidating and perfect for rejected hipsters who were victims of bullying in their adolescence. You can also leave the microwave alone at home while you go on strike, blocking streets and highways, pissing off motorists who are returning home after being at work, paying taxes so that you can have your (almost) free tuition.

Faithfully doing its job since 1985, back when you weren't even alive, back when your parents didn’t even know each other... Basically, it was already reheating re-heated stuff even back then.

Conclusion: Maybe I should give the microwave to a charity but I prefer to give it to a student even if I don’t support your strike, since school is going cost you more next year.

Original French:
Micro-onde brun recherche hipster
Price Free

Micro-onde des années 80, il est vintage, brun, il tourne pas et chauffe crissement pas vite... Bref il est parfait pour un étudiant hipster qui décide de manger un repas congelé de type "michelinas"...tellement vieux le micro-onde que ça prend genre 5 min au lieu de 2 min. Pendant cette interminable attente, tu peux te downloader de la musique d'un site piraté(tu es pourtant le premier à militer pour que les artistes obtiennent plus sur les droits d'auteur).
Ça chauffe ta bouffe congelée, sans stress qu'elle devienne trop chaude, le micro-onde est donc pas intidimidant et parfait pour les hipsters rejets qui en ont subis de l'intimidation toute leur adolescence.
Tu peux aussi laisser le micro-onde seul à la maison pendant que tu vas faire la grève, bloquer les rues/autoroutes et faire chier les automobilistes qui rentrent à la maison après avoir été travaillés, donc payés des impôts pour payer ta gratuité(presque) scolaire.
Il est fidèle au poste depuis genre 1985, année ou tu étais même pas un projet, d'ailleurs tes parents se connaissaient pas encore... Grosso modo, il réchauffait déjà du réchauffé à cet époque.

Conclusion: Je devrais p-ê le donner à une oeuvre de charité, mais je préfère le donner à un étudiant même si je ne supporte pas votre grève, pis que ça va vous coûter plus cher l’année prochaine.

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