Rooster of questionable moral fibre (580)

I will grab the low-hanging pun fruit and declare that this cock is a dick.

First time I've seen a rooster for sale like this on Kijiji, and the word count is definitely the largest. Scroll down to see the text if the image version is too hard on your eyes.

Rooster For Sale - Good Fighter But Of Poor Moral Character
Date Listed 26-Apr-12
Price $1.00
Address Beamsville, ON L0R 1B2, Canada

We’ve had this rooster for one year. When we bought him, he was supposed to be a hen. But, he grew up to be bigger and stronger than all the other chickens, and meaner too. And although he contributes to the eggs, he doesn’t lay them. He’s a rooster. At first, we thought this was a real bonus. The original plan was to keep the hens cooped up, but with a rooster in the flock, we changed the plan and let the flock “free range”. The rooster was our playground supervisor with fringe benefits. We named him Ronnie.

The first sign of problems with Ronnie was that he began to attack the humans. Mostly from behind, like you would expect from a chicken. This isn’t a problem for an adult wearing pants, but now that the warm weather is here, we’d like to wear shorts around the yard. Bare legs are just not safe around this rooster. And we’re worried about the grandkids, who still have their sight. We’ve tried therapy to deal with the bad behavior, various methods from Dr. Spock to Dr. Boot, but nothing has worked.

Most of these vicious, un-provoked attacks end with a flying lesson from the human, and that ends the aggressive behavior for up to three days. During those days, Ronnie acts like a chicken and he runs away when the humans get too close. But with a brain the size of a pea, he seems to forget how these things always end, and two or three days later, he’s back for more fighting and another flying lesson. It’s not a case of too much testosterone either; he’s got other outlets for that.

There are 20 hens of various sizes, shapes and colours in the flock. They are hot, and they regularly make themselves available to this rooster and there are no strings attached; eggs are collected every day. You would expect this rooster to be: a) happy and b) tired. But, no, he’d rather stir things up with the humans. Every two or three days. Like clockwork.

The second problem with Ronnie is that he yells almost all day and night long. It is very loud, and he is keeping the hens awake during the night. We believe this is having a negative impact on egg production. It was cute for a while, but now it is getting old. We think it is another way in which he is expressing his aggression.

Lastly, you would think that a strong, macho rooster would be a good protector. But no, one of the hens got dragged away by a predator a couple of weeks ago. In broad daylight. All that was left was a pile of feathers about thirty feet from the hen house. Ronnie wasn’t there for her. Protection is the one job that a crazy rooster/harem-keeper should be able to do right.

We bought a second group of hens last fall, and over the winter, one of them grew up to be bigger and stronger than the rest. It was déjà vu. Now we have two roosters. Happily for us, the second rooster is the polar opposite of the first rooster, so we named him Kevin. He is easy going, and would rather talk than fight. He’s that guy that everyone wants to be friends with. Everyone except Ronnie, that is. Aside from the polygamy, Kevin is an upstanding guy.

We were hoping the two roosters could get along, that maybe Kevin would be a good influence on Ronnie, that light would win over darkness, good over evil, but it was not to be. Ronnie is not satisfied with half a flock of hens; he wants them all. The fights have started, and one of these days, it will be to the death. This is not Disneyland.
Last night, Ronnie made an un-provoked attack on Kevin which drew blood and broke Kevin’s comb. Ronnie has been arrested and he is now in jail, and we are hoping someone out there can help him make bail. If he doesn’t make bail in one week, his sentence will be carried out: Think "French Revolution". If you want to save him and make him yours, he really should be housed in a coop. Free ranging would be a mistake, if our experience with him is any indication. Remember, this is not a child's play-thing, it's an angry rooster of poor moral character.

If you understand the risks, send us an email.

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter