Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hump and dump hoe takes d-bag's Hollister hoodie (607)

Kijiji Fredericton is celebrated at YouSuckatKijiji as being up there with Kijiji Saint John in terms of density and profundity of ridiculousness. @Sarahbustard on Twitter spotted this proud douchebag who banged a lady after a night Zee's in Fredericton and woke up to find something worse than an itchy weiner -- the gal had taken his hoddie. He wants it back.

Perhaps this should be in Missed Connections or Long Lost Relationships, but we find this treat in Kijiji New Brunswick > Fredericton > buy and sell > clothing > women's - dresses, skirts.

Wanted: Brown Hollister Hoodie - Taken by girl after one night stand
Address Fredericton, NB E3A 2L8, Canada

she stole my $60 Hollister hoodie! W The F! I mean, I shouldn't be wearing that brand anyway, it's just real expensive American Eagle, but damn, yo. Girls I be given the humpndump/wheelnpeel/ railnbail/greasenpeace/blowngo/hitnsplit/shootnscoot/ramnscram kinda treatment to don't steal my hoodies!~It's a Saturday night in Freddy, so what do you do? Same thing you do every Saturday night: shine up your $50 Aldo "All Leather" shoes, iron your Affliction/Ed Hardy shirt, gel your hair back and go pick up some $3 sluuts from Nicky Zees. And that was the plan, but this night was different~

Oh, she was hot to go. You could tell by the way the shady lights of Liquid reflected off the poorly-applied sparkles on her face. I opened with the classic grind-her-a$$-off-from-behind-without-permission manoeuvre, b!tches love that sh!t. When she turned around after the last bass beat in whatever Akon song was playing, I said 'you wanna get out of here sweet thang' she bit on that like she was hungry at Jack's. Next thing I know, we're doing the sideways shuffle all over my bedroom. This girl couldn't get enough... just the way I like em. But as soon as a I finished, I pass out! That's the rookiest player move in the book, usually I just drink light beer so it looks like I'm getting drunk like everybody else but this night ma boyz Vinnie and Pauly were buying jaggerbombs. Jaggerbombs. Jaggerbombs. Jaggerbombs. That means you know that hoe be paratrooping and stayin the night. Fack! Anyway, next morning, I gotta go to work to train fat people how to get skinny, you know, because I gotta make ched cause tanning sessions ain't cheap, so I didn't have time to kick this broad out. She didn't seem shady so I let her sleep in. When she left, she stole my $60 Hollister hoodie! W The F! I mean, I shouldn't be wearing that brand anyway, it's just real expensive American Eagle, but damn, yo. Girls I be given the humpndump/wheelnpeel/ railnbail/greasenpeace/blowngo/hitnsplit/shootnscoot/ramnscram kinda treatment to don't steal my hoodies! Dis b!tch Kray. That's for banging and hanging, maaan.

Anyway, so I want dis hoodie back. Willing to trade at most 2 trojan thintensitys and one jalapeno, cheddar bagel to get it back.

If you could help a brotha out, much obliged.

BASBHAT - Dr. Dre.

1 Responses to “Hump and dump hoe takes d-bag's Hollister hoodie (607)”

Me said...
July 1, 2012 at 8:00 PM

I officially deem you ... "The Biggest Loser I Have Ever Read On The Internet". By the way you talk the real story probably went something like ... "I came home from my job at Wal-Mart, invited my female cousin over for some pop and chips, played World of Warcraft for a few hours, then masterbated using my own pathetic tears for lubricant, and afterwards laid in bed dreaming up this story so I can finally get a Hollister sweater that I could never afford on my own".


Post a Comment

Need a media interview about You Suck at Kijiji? Contact me!