Assistant pussy barber wanted (653)

Kijiji Saint John is on a roll with this hilarious request for an assistant in the cat-trimming department. As someone who travels this earth most days with red lines and dots on my arms from scratches and punctures inflicted by my wife's cat during grooming, I can appreciate the man's situation.

Cat Holder-Downer
Address St John, NB E2J 4Z2, Canada

I'm new to town and need someone to help me for about half an hour while I give my rockin' awesome cat a haircut. I don't want to pay a groomer $75 and don't want to stress my fantastic feline out by taking him somewhere he's not comfortable. He is very docile and does not mind this procedure; it's just a two man job that I'm short a reliable person to operate. All I need you to do is 1) Be cool 2) Dig cats 3) Hold my cat for half an hour. He 1) Rawks 2) Will not bite, scratch, urinate, defecate and/or molest, harry and/or pillage your forearm region. He will 1) lick 2) head butt and/or 3) give aforementioned area loving attention.

This needs to be done at my apartment and I will pay compensate you with beer, good music, stimulating conversation & $10 (It's not much, but you're doing this because it will make a great story). You may bring a companion, alert the authorities of your whereabouts and do anything else you need to make sure you feel safe. I will not monetarily compensate any colleagues you bring; however, said cohorts may help themselves to one of the following options 1) one alcoholic beverage & one snack 2) two non-alcoholic beverages & one snack 3) unlimited ice cold water & two snacks. Also, your may choose to watch television and/or listen to my massive collection of vintage and contemporary vinyl collection while grooming is being performed.

Let me know you're not a weirdo, creep show and/or otherwise sketch ball in your reply. This is life low hanging bucket list/life adventure fruit y'all.

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter