Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Worthless god damn car for sale (669)

Right off the bat -- this ad will probably be gone by the time you read it, for obvious reasons. Funny ads are good. "Joke" ads are not appropriate. I'm not a spoilsport or fun-squasher, but being disruptive to the Kijiji environment is not okay, and this much swearing in an ad is certainly disruptive.


Having said all that, this Kijiji Halifax ad is the first one in ages to make me laugh out loud. Click to embiggen the picture.

I'm has a Civic. She beautiful. I married my couzin. Car is tripping on V-Tic-Tac yo. Why is my couzin make me child support?

Worthless god damn car for sale
Price $5,020,302.00
Address Halifax, NS, Canada
For Sale By Owner
Make Honda
Model Civic
Year 1999
Kilometers 873492
Body Type Hatchback
Transmission Automatic
Colour Other
Type Damaged
Fuel Type Hybrid-Electric

I'm has a Civic. She beautiful. I married my couzin. Car is tripping on V-Tic-Tac yo. Why is my couzin make me child support?

Great little shitbox for driving around loudly while I slam on brakes. I know the clutch is there cause I can smell it. I sniff tires and fuel.

Spoon engine? I can has spoon engine? Plz? C'mon! Oh yeah, my shitbox. Car has an engine and an standard manuel transautomatic. That menas it read ur mind and knows when to show off to the ladies to get you some lovin's. I love this car lots. I love it so much i pour sawdust and oatmeal chucknks into tha engine. Strong fibre diet keep it healthy spewing and stalling on its' own fuel and stuff.

I installed a windshield wiper on everything but the front windshield. THe roof has a nice wiper that knocks water and snow onto the windshield to was the water off the windshield. Fire with fire!

Also the car is currently on fire. I jus dont know where fire is.

Car needs fenders and front bumper cause they all used up from not being able to see in the rain. It's ok tho. Fenders are dime a dozen, cheap, and eazy to paint. I put one one from a mustang. Make it go faster and used it up in a week. Need new mustang fender for my shifternob.

Brand new hubcap gaskets. Me smrt.

Made it so you can brush teeth while u drive with windshield washer fluid system. I punched hole in windshield so i could bath when it rains and wash teeth with washer fluid and a wire brush. Is it supposed to taste hurty when I brush?

All the shirts I own are red, but I'm not sure why you needed to know that.

I cry every time mean guy with Mercury Sable and anger problems beats me at red light. I think i has brain issues but im ricerman so i win by slowness. Slow and steady wins the race. Why is are Sable keep getting smaller through my windshield? sadface and vomit stain on dashboard. I drawed sad face in vomit and it dried up.

Thinking of adding more stuff straight out of honk konk so I can make car more better and buzzier and therefore faster. shocker stickers in the glove box to impress womenz.

Used brake lines from under car to make slurpy hat for my beer. Didn't wash old brake fluid out of lines first tho. I can brake beer. I scream when I pee. Also drivers seat has been soiled repeatedly.

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