Rust-eaten, deadly Volvo for $17 becomes viral smash (676)

The view count on this Kijiji Ottawa ad for a Volvo that's well past its expiry date is now well past 31-thousand. It's a rambling eulogy for a vehicle that lived a fully life and has nothing more to give. More than that, it's a plea underscored by a fundamental truth of Kijiji interactions: PEOPLE, PICK UP YOUR STUFF AND DON'T WASTE A SELLER'S TIME.

1982 volvo shihitbox left tire still has air
Price $17.00
Address Montreal Rd, Ottawa, ON, Canada
For Sale By Owner
Make Volvo
Model Other
Trim ghetto 1WD 2SPD STICK SHIFT
Year 1982
Kilometers 769460
Body Type Wagon
Transmission Manual
Colour Blue
Drivetrain Other
Type Damaged
Fuel Type Other

OK I'VE GOTTEN ABOUT 1500 EMAILS IN THE PAST 2 DAYS,
300 PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THE CAR AT LEAST 15 PEOPLE PER HOUR
MY TIME IS BEING WASTED AND NO ONE IS TAKING IT, SO PLEASE DON'T THINK YOU CAN MAGICALLY JUST TOW IT AWAY THERE'S ALOT MORE TO IT.
yes i said seventeen dollars
i am selling a volvo 1982, i am unsure of the model. used to be 4wd but transmission is garbage so power only goes to front right wheel. power steering fluid leaks into gas tank and exhaust fumes have started coming through air vents, so dont use the ac or heat and keep the windows down when you drive. rear suspension shot through the trunk about 7 years ago, and car has virtually no wheel alignment. Gas pedal sticks all the time so be careful. Used to be 5 speed manual but now only gears 2 and 5 work. reverse doesnt work, needs to be put into neutral and rolled. brakes only work on the right side, hand brake doesnt stay up you have to jam a screwdriver between it when pulled. body is rusted like crazy, i spray painted it last year though. springs sit through all the seats so you need to put a solid board over the seat before sitting on it. seatbelts dont work in the front passenger and rear left or middle. buckles were stolen. steering wheel sticks to the right side because of lack of powersteering, so avoid right turns. clutch pedal falls off if pressed too hard. car is a deathtrap dont drive it on roads.

update**15/12/2012
please be serious if you are thinking of getting this
i have had about 15 people come to take the car, with trailers and whatnot with the intention of scrapping it and none of them took it for the 17$ asking price. i had offers of 125 and i got happy and people came and left without it. you have to see it in person to appreciate how bad it is. no scrapyard will buy it for more than 10 dollars because of the extensive amount of rust and the risk of it spreading. furthermore, the starter is touching the body now and if a piece of the body from the front falls off it can prematurely start and the car can blow up because of all the unburned fuel that floods the engine. the third person that came to buy it gave me the money and started towing it but he hit a bump on the road and the engine caught fire. he returned it promptly after that.


***updaet**

i had a friend take a look at the car today. it was originally a v6 but the left middle cylinder is non existent and the right middle one floods with fuel if the car is overrevved. because of this it will probably not past safety but it still might be worth getting it checked out. gears 1 3 4 and reverse dont work because the previous owner was doing bad clutchless shifting and has ground them down to smooth circles. the window on the back door is starting to give in and may break through the rust soon but the plus side of this is that you'll have one more window open for ventilation. both steering rods are messed up. the rear axle has a bend in it so the wheels turn kind of lopsidedly (probably what caused the shocks to go through the trunk).
the catalytic converter was stolen today while i was at work and now the car sounds like a monstertruck when you start it.

driving:
we took it for a test spin today before i left to work and found 5 persistent problems.
1) often times, the car will stall. to fix this, turn off the car, turn the steering wheel all the way to the left and start the car while doing that, rev to 3000 in neutral and pop it into 2nd right after. it should take off
2)sometimes, instead of stalling, the car will take off like a rocket. in this case, stop the car, turn the steering wheel all the way to the RIGHT, turn the car on, put it into 5th gear with the clutch still in, rev to 2000 and blast the heater then take off, it will be a bit rough but its only for a few seconds. once you start going MAKE SURE YOU TURN OFF THE HEAT, and shift back into 2nd.
3)too much throttle response(ie 5% press=5k rpms) in this case, turn the car off while holding the clutch and gas pedal and turn it on the same way. wait about a minute while flooring it and then blast heat or ac for about half a minute. when you can smell something burning, turn off the heat/ac and you should be good to go.
4)too little throttle response. usually happens after getting too much throttle response a few times in a row. in this case, start the car normally, make sure heat and ac are off and keep car in neutral while doing periodic revs to 4k for about a minute. when youre ready to go, shift into 5th , go up to 20kmph and then go down to 2nd gear.
5) unresponsive brakes. this will only happen in emergencys so its fair to use this method. shift in one of the non functional gears (1,3,4, R) and floor it while pulsing on the brakes. pull up the handbrake and keep holding it or it will fall back down , steer to go off the road. after you do this, the car will not start for a few minutes and the engine will be sizzling hot. don't worry if you smell burning, this is normal.it is the powersteering fluid and brake line fluid and oil mixing in with the gas tank exposed to high revs.
*discovered on dec 15*
6) engine catches fire if the body is suddenly moved in some way. if the engine catches fire, shut the hood start the car and rev the engine. make sure heat and ac are off because the buildup of co2 and co will put the fire out naturally. once again dont worry if you smell burning its expected.
7)wheel axles shift around on sharp turns. by this i mean that the body of the car is in reality shifting left and right depending on the turns. if its stuck to the left and car is flipped over, push the wheel axles in until they look semi aligned to the eye and flip it back over. if the car hasnt turned over yet then make a sharp turn in the same direction that the car is leaning on, then opposite less sharp turns until it feels centre.
8) all lights become very bright and start flashing fast. the lights may flash fast (like 15 times per second) and become bright when the radio volume is too low. the front passenger speaker is the only one left, all the other ones were stolen. to fix this problem, turn the car off , turn it on, switch into A.M and go to channel 580. blast the sound for a minute and wait until the lights start dimming down and the flashing slows down. there is some electrical problem because of the stolen speakers, the last thief crossed the lighting wires and speaker wires in the process.

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter