Monday, December 10, 2012

The perfect candidate for any job; Just ask me! (673)

This Kijiji Barrie ad is disqualified from being in the 'genius' category because the poster put it in the wrong category. A real genius would know that the Jobs category is for jobs -- people trying to hire people -- while the Resumes category is for job-seekers. He posted this under Jobs.

Otherwise, it's an excellent piece of work. And I say this as an arrogant, condescending and humble genius.

Looking for Reliable, Genius to Work at Your Company?
Date Listed 30-Nov-12
Address Barrie, ON, Canada
Job Type Full-Time

Face it, most people who you hire are terrible. They are stupid, hard to train, not personable and most of all, they are boring.

I am the best employee available. I already have a job, but it is part time and with Christmas coming I need some cash. I have a Master's degree in English Literature, I get along with everyone and I am crazy smart.

There just are not people like me looking for work. This is a rare opportunity to hire someone good.

On top of these otherwise awesome skills, I also am hilarious and very fun to work with, an expert writer, public speaker, salesman, and did I say genius?

Just by knowing me I will make your business better because I will be able to tell you things you have never thought of. You will be blown away by my charms, intelligence, and social skills. Not to mention I look like a young Johnny Depp.

If you need anything, if you are thinking of hiring anyone, give me a call. I will satisfy you in ways you did not know an employee was capable of.

I will soon be a millionaire and won't need to hire myself out, but take advantage while you can. My current job will prove to you that I am reliable. My degree shows I am smart. If you have eyes, you will melt when you look at me. You will laugh so much in my presence you will think that you are high.

Yeah, I lack humility. But we can't all be perfect, so gimme a call.


1 Responses to “The perfect candidate for any job; Just ask me! (673)”

DigitalAxis said...
January 8, 2013 at 10:06 AM

I didn't know Henry Winkler looked like a young Johnny Depp.

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