Long rambling poems, cheap (682)

Sounds like a good deal at first: Custom poetry written for just a buck. But the writing in this ad is so dense and weighty, I can't even read the whole thing. Maybe the guy should team up with a one-dollar editor and sell himself for two bucks. Better value overall.

I will write you a poem for a loonie.
Address Halifax, NS, Canada

I know what you're thinking. From the mere title of this ad, you've probably already inferred that I'm some pretentious liberal arts student who's broke enough to panhandle over the internet for change that will inevitably go towards the purchase of his next iced cap at Timmy's...or an overpriced mixed drink at one of Halifax's more "student friendly" bars.
And you aren't completely incorrect. I do spend way too much money on iced caps. I am a liberal arts student. I guess I am kind of pretentious. But I'm not panhandling. I will write you a poem for a dollar. A personalized poem about whatever subject you want- and I mean whatever you want. Do you have a room-mate who is a horrible person, but your fear of confrontation renders you unable to bring his or her shittiness to the table for discussion? Sounds like you need a poem! Do you want to read an epic poem about sassy futuristic vikings who team up with Abe Lincoln and Ezra Pound to take out the Cold War communist Robots once and for all? I guess I could do that. Might be kind of hard but I'll give it a shot. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend that you need to break up with but lack the courage? I'm your guy! Do you have a cat/person that you love so overwhelmingly you don't think you could ever find the right words to express your undying affection? Let me try! Do you just sort of appreciate/tolerate/need to write something for your Eng 1000 class and can't stop playing skyrim for the 15 minutes it would take to crap out a limerick? Look no further! Do you want a personalized poem to read for awhile and then misplace or use as a bookmark or burn in a woodstove? I can do that too.
Shoot me an email for more technical details or to request your poem/tell me how much this idea sucks/tell me to go learn a real trade like engineering or law or even dentistry for god's sake. Poems will be printed out on a piece of computer paper in your choice of font. I'll deliver it within a reasonable distance. I'll email previews of poems if you still aren't entirely convinced I'm not some shady guy scamming people from a public library.
Thanks.
Jon

This post was written by: Gord McCord

Gord McCord, webmaster at You Suck at Kijiji, makes fun of funny things on Kijiji. Do not take him too seriously. Also do not take yourself too seriously. Follow him on Twitter