Friday, February 15, 2013

A monkey, a marshmallow and a freaky job opportunity (690)

Full credit to @westingham on Twitter for finding this ad that's my favourite from 2013 so far. If you've ever wanted to hand-feed marshmallows to a monkey on the edge of insanity, here's the job for you. And best of all, it's in the crazy-ad Kijiji capital of Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Mini-Marshmallow Hand-Feeder -- Opportunities For Advancement
Address Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Do you enjoy marshmallows and can handle very small amounts of human saliva? Do you take joy in making people happy? Are you flexible with your terms of employment? Are you open-minded, clean, honest, and a hard worker? Do you like dancing to Robot Music wearing Kitchen Armor? ?

Single employer looking for someone who will work hard at the small tasks that matter in his daily happiness.

Tasks may include:

- Hand-feeding him mini-marshmallows
- Potential graduation to hand-feeding regular-sized and flavored marshmallows
- Demonstrate constant ability to meet all targets and open goals/mouths
- Show creativity in approaches to projects (s'mores, fluffernutter)
- Maintain full stocks of office supplies (white, pastel, chocolate sauce)
- Ability to lift less than 8 oz, typically no more than .5 oz

Other activities may include:

- Shopping-cart races in the aisles of a Walmart
- Pictionary, both with and without the sand timer
- Areas of creative play, potentially including incorporating other marshmallow related activities into daily activities, such as a marshmallow toss or fluffernutter-making
- Staying up all hours of the night talking about design ideas for kitten condos
- Illegal Go-Kart racing
- Following your whims and passions
- Smiling and having fun
- Don't make this weird

Experience and Benefits:

- Must be 18 years of age or older
- Must like marshmallows, or at least tolerate them without any political agenda attached
- Must like childlike innocent fun without adult-ish expectations attached
- Insurance offer does not include coverage for the consequences of marshmallow over-consumption
- Experience making people happy a plus
- Your resume must be in Haiku form

Compensation depends on experience. No illegal activities (Go-Karts are exempt). Nothing sexual. Benefits are endless. Background check required. No calls or recruiters, please.

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