Thursday, March 21, 2013
Do you like this story?
A Historical Item called a Highlighter, used by a Tired Student
Address 110 King St W, Toronto, ON M5H 1H1, Canada
This highlighter is simply magical.
It comes from a simpler time before 2012, the ancient year of 2011. A time when Mitt Romney was still looked upon as a suitable replacement for Barack Obama and the end of the world wasn't so near. The year 2011 brings back many memories of the large tsunami in Japan, in which 200 million dollars of aid was used to assist the killing of the whales as they were deemed the terrorists behind the devastating flooding of the nuclear reactor.
However, this highlighter was there. It just was. It was there when the tsunami occurred and it highlighter the key points of that article. It was there when Gadhafi was fighting for his very life, and it angrily highlighted Gadhafi's name many times in bright yellow. Yes this highlighter was on the frontlines of battle, but also enjoyed highlighting the curves of Jessica Alba while adding a moustache to add to the problems of Lindsay Lohan. As Charlie Sheen would say, this highlighter is bi winning, as it has highlighted winning twice.
This highlighter is also highly educated. It has been in service of a student at a major University for 4 and a half long years. This highlighter has put a spot light on key words and phrases such as "I'm going to fail", "this exam is ridiculously hard", "I should of went to college", or the personal favourite "What am I doing with my life?". It has highlighted financial statements particularly the words "double declining depreciation" (as this was seen as a metaphor for the student's life) many times while at the same time highlighted the cutest girl's name after the competing pen wrote it. Damn that pen, the student couldn't part with the pen could he! No, he must part with me.
Why? Because the student recently highlighted a new number. A number that stunned even the calculator, who has been a total jerk all these years. Why does the calculator get pounded all the time? The student has to press her keys all the time, while totally ignoring the fact I like my lid on tight and occasionally allowing me to dry right out. I digress. That number was the student's debt. Most likely, this student after studying almost for 5 long years will have a $30000 debt. It made my lid pop off.
So, as a result, this student is selling his most treasured item (or at least I would like to call myself that - I mean he takes me everywhere). I may have been a little bit of a promiscuous, as three other people have used more on exams, but not one highlighter is perfect right? I mean, the orange highlighter has been with 16 students - quite the nymphomaniac,.
I know I can't match up to a reputable highlighter like Barack Obama's highlighter, or even Snookie's highlighter. Wait. Snookie can't read - why would she highlight? Ok, maybe Zooey Deschanel's highlighter (love you).
However, I have experience. Something many University graduates lack.
So please, for the price of $30000 this highlighter will go to a new home (the student is also open to trading). I promise to love you the same way I loved my former owner, and the student says he'll promise to pay occasional visits to update you (and myself) on his endeavors.
Thank you for reading, and I would like to add I would make a very good Christmas Present to Snoop Lion - he could use a highlighter to help him learn how to read.