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In a universe where letters are precious, this poster uses an awful lot of words to say "I want to pay cash for your used Scrabble games so I can make crafts with the letter tiles." But, as we've seen, long-form ads are all the rage these days, so let's give 'er a go.

(FYI, the word "Kijiji" would score 24 points in Scrabble according to a Scrabble Calculator.)

Thanks to @BeccaColes for thinking of us!

Wanted: Used Scrabble Tiles

Picture this. You're sitting on the couch, watching television. Look over at the shelf. What do you see? A cobweb-collecting, dust-catching, mile-high pile of boxes. The boxes are torn. There's tape around the corners to hold them together. At the top of the pile, the faded lettering on two of the boxes says, 'Monopoly' and 'The Game of LIFE.' Near the bottom, the box squeezed in between 'Battleship' and 'Candy Land' has 'Scrabble' written on it.

Oh board games. Before 2000, they provided such fun when the power went out. Now in 2012, they sit there on the dusty, old shelf, crying out for your affection. Except not really, because board games can't cry. Not even in Toy Story.

What to do with these games? You can't bear to throw them out. Perhaps some day the kids will decide they want to do a wholesome, family activity. Hah. Who am I kidding? Why would they want to interact with their family, when they can play these same games on their iGadgets and their Interweb Doohickeys? No offense, Mom and Dad.

Donation. There's an idea. I'm sure Value Village would happily accept these board games, but what happens when an eight-year-old spends their hard-earned allowance on a used Scrabble game? I'm sure Value Village isn't going to count out the pieces to ensure that they are all there. What does that leave you with? A child with a broken heart because one of the precious blank tiles is missing. You don't want to traumatize a child for life, now do you? I mean, with Monopoly, if you're missing the boot or the thimble, there's about one hundred other pieces you can use. Even if you manage to lose all those pieces, any small household item can replace the tokens. A penny? Yep. A paper clip? You bet, but it just doesn't work that way with Scrabble.

Lucky for you, Kijijij Viewer, I have a solution! I want to buy that dusty old game of Scrabble. I'm a craft type, so I'm looking for tiles for that reason. For real! If I had Scrabble tiles, I could have made a real Kijiji sign, instead of copying and pasting letters in MS Paint! But until you sell me your tiles, this image will have to do. Was your dog too tempted by that B tile and now it's sitting in a heap, out in your yard? Did the letter T get devoured into the hungry maw of your vacuum? That's no problem! I still want 'em!

I haven't even told you the best part. I'll come pick them up in the Charlottetown area AND will pay you for the tiles! Talk about getting your cake and eating it too!

So don't let those board games to go to a landfill, and don't traumatize a thrifty eight-year-old. Get in touch via email, and we'll work something out!

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Some are born into greatness. Some achieve greatness. Some have greatness thrust upon them. Some realize that they can't spell or even pick the right category on Kijiji to post their job search, and conclude that their best use in society is picking things up and moving them. This young man is in the last category.

looking to clean sheds basments moveing havey things and pretty

i am 16 lookin to clean anything lift things and remove things if you need anything done im am good workin and expierenced. thank you

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Kijiji says it's working to make life more difficult for parking lot puppy vendors.

Kijiji's background tools filter out the obvious offenders, but it often comes down to users to police the 'pets' section of the online classifieds.

Animal activists are angrily vocal about the trade in companion animals in general, and tend to target sites like Kijiji because they enable sellers to meet buyers, and sometimes those sellers run puppy mills. Some buyers end up complaining to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.

"We have a great working relationship with (the SPCA). They let us know if anything comes up that we need to be aware of that may involve Kijiji," said Kijiji's Shawn McIntyre in an interview with the Halifax Chronicle Herald.

The article tells the story of a woman who answered a Kijiji ad for a bichone frise puppy, and ended up in disturbing negotiations with a woman notorious for puppy-mill operations resulting in criminal convictions. She wanted to ship the puppy and have the buyer pay by Western Union, hallmarks of a scam. In this case, it could've been more nasty than wire fraud.

"We do have a code of conduct on our website when it comes to the pets category that clearly outlines what we consider to be an unethical pet reseller," said McIntyre in the Herald interview. "We filter (ads) to look for things that may sort of indicate that an ad is too good to be true. If an animal is drastically under-priced or doesn’t have a lot of information, we will ask questions and we expect our users to do the same. We want our users to provide as much information as possible and use clear images of where the animals are kept so that when users view these ads on Kijiji they can make a decision based on that."

Be aware of Kijiji's pet policies:

• The Animal Pedigree Act makes it a federal offense to sell an animal of a recognized breed as, purebred, registered, or eligible to be registered if it is not.
• The term “purebred” is a confirmation of genetic background and adherence to breed characteristics, in accordance with the requirements of the Act and the by-laws of the authorized breed association.
• The term “registered” is confirmation that all the rules of eligibility of the authorized breed association in Canada have been met.
• If an animal of a recognized breed is sold as purebred, registered or eligible to be registered, the seller is obligated to provide a duly transferred certificate of registration to the buyer not later than six months after the sale.
• Kijiji does not permit any type of Breeding service (such as stud services)

If you're a rabid animal lover (not a lover of rabid animals, nor an animal lover with rabies), familiarize yourself with Kijiji's specific rules about pets, backyard breeders, puppy mills and so on, and flag offending ads so staff can clean them up. It's not an issue I personally pay much attention to, but it's a "pet peeve" for some. Enough puns. Just go out there and stop people from sucking.

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A young man in Halifax is asking for someone to give him a free classic car. It may sound like an audacious and greedy request, but the 19-year-old backs up his plea with an appeal to others who are passionate about driving.

Spencer M has never owned a car, but he aspires to be a top-tier leather-sniffing greasemonkey one day, thanks to the generosity of a stranger.

"I have always dreamt of having a car I can fix with my eyes closed, or to be knee deep in oil and gunk after having spent days getting to know my car," Spencer writes in his Kijiji Halifax ad. "Times have changed since the ‘ol days where kids my age practically built the cars they were driving; I grew up in the suburbs with a focus on school work and succeeding, and never had a chance to get a hold of an old beaut and put in numerous hours keeping ‘er alive."

Well, he certainly has a way with words. Is it realistic?

"Please don’t email me saying I’m being unrealistic and stupid by asking for this…I know I am," he writes. "But hey, don’t ask, don’t get."

So far, the ad has had just under 300 views.

Speculation that this has anything to do with an impending transit strike in Halifax has yet to be explored.

I am arbitrarily placing this ad in the You Suck at Kijiji Hall of Fame due to its ballsiness, attention to detail and the fact that I am not a car-lover. Most of my knowledge of classic car passion comes from the Rush song "Red Barchetta" and I drive a Kia Rio. To me, this guy is an expert.

Wanted: An Old Car Looking For A New Beginning

This isn't a regular ad - it's not to be read by people who are critical and closed minded, but instead by people who believe in keeping stories alive, understand the passion of driving and who aren’t afraid to give something up only to keep it alive. If you are not one of those people...don't waste your time reading this.

I am 19 years old with a passion for car's, and the belief that a car is more than "just a car" or an object that takes someone from point A to point B. A car is something special that needs just as much love and care as a person.

What I am looking for isn't easy to find - and chances are you’re not willing to give what I am asking, but I will try to convince you otherwise if you choose to continue reading.

At 19, I have never owned a car that I can call my own. I have always wanted my first car to be from someone special who has treated the car as a member of their own family - spending as many hours changing the oil and filters as they have changing diapers. Preferably I would have liked to inherit an old classic from a family member, but I regret to say that isn’t going to happen.

As is the case with many car enthusiasts, I can’t say I’ve spent all that much time under a hood. I have always dreamt of having a car I can fix with my eyes closed, or to be knee deep in oil and gunk after having spent days getting to know my car. Times have changed since the ‘ol days where kids my age practically built the cars they were driving; I grew up in the suburbs with a focus on school work and succeeding, and never had a chance to get a hold of an old beaut and put in numerous hours keeping ‘er alive.

What I am looking for is someone who is willing to pass a part of their life on in order to keep that part of their life alive. I am looking for a classic car with a past that I can keep alive, and continue to keep alive through future generations, continuously adding to the history of a special car. I am not trying to rob anyone of their precious automobile, but rather looking for someone who wants to give their car to a new owner who is going to treat it with as much, or more respect than they did. I want the current owner to be able to sleep at night once it’s gone knowing the car is in good hands. The car needs to have a life of its own, preferably being far older than I.

What do I plan on doing with this car? Driving the sh*t out of it. I want a car that can take me on 12 hour drives through the back country roads of the Atlantic Provinces (top down) on a sunny Sunday, and be able to take me to get groceries on a rainy Tuesday. It has to be tough, and pack a punch of excitement while giving the driver the best experience of his life. The car will be saved for the spring, summer and fall months, kept in a safe haven for the winter to build up the anxiety of that first springtime drive.

I am not looking for any particular make or model, but rather a car with more stories to it than miles – a car that has brought more excitement to its driver(s) than a rollercoaster can bring to a 6 year old and can continue to do so as long as it’s taken care of.

What do I want out of the car? It has to have a voice. When I turn that key, or push my foot to the pedal, I want to hear a roar of confidence and power – distinct from all other cars.

The current owner needs to be someone who isn’t going to be afraid to pick up the phone and call me just to ask how their baby is doing – they need to have feelings for the car.

As for me, I was born and raised in Ontario and currently attend school in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I am interested in investments (real estate, stocks, commodities – anything to do with investments), outdoor adventures, music and cars, of course. If a serious inquirer wants to know more about me (I completely understand in this rare scenario) then I would be more than happy to meet you at your choice of pub for a beer downtown Halifax.

I’m sure many of the readers of this ad will call me cheap for writing such a plea, but truth is I think the car will gain value having been passed on to someone who knows how to respect an automobile. I could go out and buy a $5,000 used 1969 MGB, but it wouldn’t be the same; it needs to mean something more.

All in all I don’t figure many people, if any, will see this situation the way I do – but if this article reaches you, and you understand what I am asking and trying to do, by all means I promise you your car will live forever and its stories will never be forgotten.

Please don’t email me saying I’m being unrealistic and stupid by asking for this…I know I am.

But hey, don’t ask, don’t get.

Thanks for your time.

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After post #506, I decided to look through the "Jobs" section in Kijiji PEI. Actually, there aren't many jobs there. I've concluded that Islanders can't read, because they're putting resumes and service ads in the Jobs category, not in resumes and services where they belong. Even the service ads are weak:

Advertise in 2012
Address 197 Kent St, Charlottetown, PE C1A 1P1, Canada

Hello

Do you have an amazing service or product?

Do you want to share it with the island or further?

Do you desever a professional looking ad?

If you answered yes to any on these questions Then give me a call, and we will talk. I offer fast turn around and reasonable prices.

 

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Ever since Kijiji killed off the Personals section some years ago, we've been without a source of pathetic horny-hound amusement. It was fun for some to troll through the ads with a sense of moral superiority. I suppose some even used it to meet people for casual encounters or long term relationships or whatever people did there. Now all we're left with is Friendship and Missed Connections.

I have my hunches that about half the ads under Friendship are a thinly disguised replacement for Casual Encounters ads: "Mid-30s couple seeks bisexual woman for friendship." I dunno, maybe I'm just cynical.

The Missed Connection ads are shorter, tamer, but can offer the same condescending voyeuristic thrill of wondering what kind of deluded and desperate individuals would write about a brief glance shared at a gas station or dollar store. "You were the frazzled-looking brunette with the crying two-year-old in the express lane at the Superstore; I was behind you buying a Hungry Man Fried Chicken dinner and twelve-pack of PC Diet Cola. I'm sure I felt a connection. Coffee?" Obviously that example is contrived, since no one on Kijiji uses semicolons.

Jessica Hoy from Sylvan Lake, Alberta has embraced the concept and is hell-bent on being Missedly Connected.

She calls herself Miss Connection, and her blog is called Miss Connection. The site address is http://missconnectionreddeer.blogspot.com/ and is devilishly hard to find on Google if you don't know what you're looking for, so bookmark it right now, baloney.

"My New Years resolution for this year is to have one written about me," she writes in her opening post. "I will be spending one hour every day in a different public place making eye contact with strangers. I will write about my experiences in each place one week after they happen so I can see if I get any results before posting."

So far, no results. It's not like Jessica's ugly. (See photo at left.) It's not like she lacks game -- she shows off that snazzy finger-gun gesture, even when wearing mittens. Maybe men are intimidated? Maybe she's not frequenting liquor stores and supermarkets often enough?

Let's follow Jessica on Twitter and see if any of this pans out. I'd like the story to have a happy ending.