Monday, January 6, 2014

Get t'work in 2014 by learning to twerk. Twerking lessons! (720)

Thanks to @CitizenWilliams for finding this pro twerker willing to teach n00bs the butt-shaking way of life.

Twerking Lessons - Qualified twerking enthusiast. I teach all styles of twerk, the shuffle back, grab the rump, bend over, and shake it down. I believe twerking is more a sport and not just a passion. Enhance any dance floor with moves that il make em say dammmmm that's one hot mess.

Twerking lessons
81 Primrose Street, Dartmouth, NS B3A, Canada

Qualified twerking enthusiast. I teach all styles of twerk, the shuffle back, grab the rump, bend over, and shake it down. I believe twerking is more a sport and not just a passion. Enhance any dance floor with moves that il make em say dammmmm that's one hot mess.
$60/30min or $90/hr.

Monday, January 6, 2014 by Gord McCord · 1

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Profeshional photogtapher seeks brave soles for boudoir pics (719)

Oh, good grief. This ad is from Halifax, and just because I'm so appalled, I'm going to link you to the user's ads.

Calling snow bunnies!! Ghosts and ghouls welcome for halloween
Address Dartmouth, NS, Canada

Im a profeshional photogtapher for the past 10 years and winter is coming, Im looking for a few brave soles when the snow comes for a snow bunnies shoot. I am also offering a halloween boudoir style shoot. Unpaid but you will get a copy of all edited images. If you are intersted and want more datails reply with your name, age, and a photo.
My port is avalable upon request.
On location only.

Would you let that man in your bedroom?

Thursday, October 24, 2013 by Gord McCord · 0

Friday, October 18, 2013

Dresser possessed by spirit of ex-girlfriend (718)

A bazillion hits for this poetic ad about a simple piece of furniture which is inhabited by the spirit of a very complicated woman.

Price $150.00
Address Saint John, NB E2M 4W5, Canada

Dresser For Sale- Possessed By Ex Girlfriend

I am selling the dresser that my ex left behind when we split.
Like in our relationship, she felt it wasn't an obligation of hers to move anything along in our union or move anything out when she left.

This dresser has 9 drawers for hiding even everything from the largest load of BS to the smallest of emotion
It's made mostly of solid wood (mirror and drawer faces) and is very sturdy and very heavy - again like my ex but with less pulp.
I believe it is made of oak and not self loathing and hatred
It has a huge trifold mirror that was perfect for each of her faces.

Very few bumps and bruises this dresser is a real keeper and just needs a little TLC - not years of therapy or Daddy's approval.

No reason to create the illusion of a bad childhood because this dresser is willing to provide a purpose for a family - storing clothes with no emotional baggage or snack cakes.

Doesn't gripe, never wonders where you have been and it can be friends with other pieces of furniture without being jealous or complaining. It does not believe the foot stool is a wh0re!

Drawers slide open freely and easily like my ex but without the aid of alcohol, cash, or credit cards

I am looking to sell it for the same amount of weight she gained in our relationship about $150. That price is not negotiable unlike my ex in any bar on a Saturday Night.

Valued at a lot more and like my ex at that price I am giving it away

Pickup only as I am just one man and like my ex - one guy just won't cut it so bring your friends!

Well worth it if you are a wingman, the adventurous type or a glutton for punishment

DISCLAIMER: Exorcism unnecessary as its evil spirits left having already draining me of anything identifying me as a man and human being


Friday, October 18, 2013 by Gord McCord · 1

Friday, October 11, 2013

Get off my back about my smoking dog that bites people (717)

Twitter user @stacymaee says "one of the most bizarre kijiji ads ive ever seen." She's obviously not been to yousuckatkijiji.com, but she's on to something.

Dog smoking a cigarette

Thing is, it's obviously a rip-off of an old American ad. Obama t-shirts? Nancy Pelosi? Flag-burners? What Canadian in Barrie would write such a thing? If you're going to steal an ad to get attention, why not pick one that might resonate here?

♥♥OUR DOG♥♥
Price Free
Address Barrie, ON L4M 2K3, Canada


♥IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS♥
♥ABOUT OUR DOG: ♥

PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS
ABOUT OUR DOG!!!!!

YES, HE MAULED SIX PEOPLE WEARING OBAMA T-SHIRTS, FOUR PEOPLE WEARING PELOSI T-SHIRTS, NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR CRACK, THREE FLAG BURNERS,
AND A TAXI DRIVER.

FOR THE LAST TIME...
THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE HE'S FREE!!!!!

NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT - HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!!!

Friday, October 11, 2013 by Gord McCord · 0

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Male Pokemon Trainer Seeking Worthy Adversary (716)

Male Pokemon Trainer Seeking Worthy Adversary
Watch | Share | Print | Report Ad
Address Saint John, NB, Canada

Indigo League top16 contender specializing in Ghost and Psychic types, seeks local trainers to participate in one-on-one battles of 3-6 Pokemon each for training sessions before the winter Ice League Tournament in Alaska

Please contact using that weird skype box thing at your local Pokemon Center and messaging me @ "MagikarpMayonaise1126" and letting me know where and when you want to battle!

Me and my Pokemon team will be available for the better part of the month. All challengers will be taken, though not a one taken lightly.

*No Items to be applied in-battle (fresh water, potions, burn heal, etc.), only held items permitted.*

See you on the field,
-Silver

Wednesday, October 9, 2013 by Gord McCord · 0

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Kijiji courts comedic composition in contest

If you like funny Kijiji ads -- well, obviously you do. You're here, after all, at the place that first celebrated the funny and shamed the bad.

From the Kijiji blog:

We’re excited to announce that we are launching a Funny Ad Contest! We were inspired by all the creative funny ads that our users submit, like the oneswe regularly feature on our Facebook Page.

  • Grand prize : 15-inch MacBook Pro (2.7 GHz with Retina display)!


  • These are the rules for most of Canada (residents of Quebec, we did a separate contest for you, which you can read about on our French blog). Read the full legal rules here.
    • Ads must follow our site policies. Rules are rules!
    • Ads may be posted in any category, but must be for a legitimate item, service, or job, etc., placed only once, in the appropriate category.
    • Ad must stay live during the course of the contest. If item is sold, you must add “NO LONGER AVAILABLE” to your ad title. Please don’t edit submitted ads other than to do this!
    • Ad must include the phrase “This ad is a contestant for Kijiji’s Funny Ad Contest. See more details at http://kijijiblog.ca/funny-ad-contest/
    • After posting your ad, submit it to the contest via this Google Form.
    • The ad submission period begins October 1st, and ends on October 11th. A set of top 10 finalists will be contacted and will be posted on our Facebook page on October 18th
    • You and your friends will be able to vote for the winner from October 18th – 21st.
    We can’t wait to read all the great submissions! To share your ads and comments on social media, use #KijijiLOL as a hashtag. Let the hilarity begin!

  • Runner up : 13-inch MacBook Air (256GB).
  • Wednesday, October 2, 2013 by Gord McCord · 1

    Need a media interview about You Suck at Kijiji? Contact me!